Relationships bring us some of the best moments in our lives, but also some of the worst. How do you make sure the good outweighs the bad?
Three things, I have learned, tell you if he is right for you. First, does he respect you? If your relationship is lacking this cornerstone, you’re in trouble. You need to be listened to, understood and held in high esteem by your partner. A person who doesn’t respect you lacks integrity and doesn’t rightly value you and your feelings. No matter what kinky power plays you might get up to in the bedroom, outside of it, you should consider one another equals.
Being Number One
Does he make you feel like you’re the only woman in the world for him? We’ve all been with a man who is forever scoping out totty on the street, in the restaurant, and it breeds insecurity and chips away at self esteem. I don’t care if Miranda Kerr walks into the room in her knickers. Your boyfriend will look – we all look – but if he’s right for you he will treat you as his number one princess, not an option.
Laughter, and being yourself
The other thing (things) are, can he make you laugh, and can you be yourself with him? This is SO important. If you aren’t laughing with your partner, something is up. I don’t mean every moment you’re together, but you have to share giggles. Fun brings you closer together and makes life better in every way.
I don’t advocate slumming around the house in your tracksuit and curlers when you’re together, farting and drinking Stella, but it’s vital to feel totally at ease with him. None of this walking on eggshells, or feeling like you need to change to please someone.
Sunday afternoon and I was busy doing the ironing while Enduro snoozed on the sofa, knackered after a biking event. As I tackled DS’s school shirts in my dressing gown I reflected on how the dating seemed to have progressed to this little domestic scene quite naturally. I just needed a pie baking in the oven to complete the picture.
The night before saw us -finally – consummate our relationship in a room at the pub in Kilburn. It wasn’t champagne, five-star luxury and sexual acrobatics. It was a little room with a sloped roof, a kettle and a proper Yorkshire seeing to. It was perfect.